I lay there awake on the rock hard mattress trying not to think about the Porcelain dolls staring at me in the moonlight. Why didn’t I just back out when I had the chance? I knew driving to Disney World from Floyds Knobs, Indiana with a hypochondriac friend and her hypochondriac mother was a mistake but I went anyway. I didn’t know how much more I could take after riding in the crammed, green van for eight hours listening to my friend and her mother singing Celtic Woman at the top of their lungs and then stopping at her creepy-Porcelain-doll-loving grandma’s house to sleep. I thought it would get better after we were out of the car and got to the theme parks… I was wrong.
Besides the fact that my friend and her mother made me ride ‘It’s a Small World’ three times in a row and the song was embedded in my brain; the day had been going pretty smooth. We rode a ton of cool rides and ate some awesome Disney food that probably cost more than a down payment on a H2 Hummer. We rode the Expedition Everest roller coaster twice, and went on without my friend’s mother because she said she needed to rest for a minute. About an hour had past and her mother was nowhere to be found. As we were calling her cell phone I heard a moaning sound come from behind us. I turn to see a park employee pushing my friends mother in a wheelchair. Apparently she had gone into the bathroom and broke out in a cold sweat, almost passed out, and threw up everywhere. We had to leave early and get special transportation out of the park. In the transportation van I sat as far away as possible but I could still hear her dry heaving in the white bag the paramedic gave her. I felt like throwing myself off the very top of Walt’s Castle for everyone to see.
I was ecstatic the day we left for home. Not only did I have to deal with a friend’s barfing mother, leaving the parks early, and the obnoxious singing that awaited me, but I had also had a visit from ‘Aunt Flow’ that morning, which left me irritated times infinity and gave me terrible cramps. My friend was already starting to get on my nerves and it was getting worse. I felt so uncomfortable in the van that I asked if we could just drive straight through instead of stopping at their grandmother’s house to sleep. I felt like they were mad at me after that request, like I had insulted their family and ‘Mrs. Porcelain Weirdo’ herself. But at the time I didn’t care because I had no desire to sleep on a bed of rocks or be freaked out by a bunch of glass dolls again. I just wanted to get home to my own bed with no dolls, no Celtic Women or vomiting moms. I just wanted some Midol.
When you were a toddler your parents explained to you that you were going on vacation to a magical place where Mickey and his friends lived. On arrival you got so excited to ride ‘It’s a Small World’ and ‘The Teacups’ that you might have even peed yourself. You won’t remember this later in life so you’ll take another trip to Disney to experience the same magic that never goes away. Every kid deserves to take a trip to Disney World and thoroughly enjoy it. I’ve been to Disney World… but I did not enjoy it.
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