Right now I am in the Riviera Maya, staring at the sea green sky and sky blue water. I shut my eyes so I can hear vividly, the pre crash and crash of waves and the distant sounds of people on the beach. When I open my eyes, all I see are tones of blue. On blue, I see coy dots of white, flashing on and off, creating the image of sparkling water. On the ground beneath me is caramel colored sand with the shadows of footprints. As the sound of the waves arrive, I see the brownish froth of the crash. Then, into my seclusion, comes a toddler, toes having just touched the water, screaming with exaltation. It is precious for a moment but sure enough a woman runs to her, saving her from the world. The motherly figure gingerly ushers the exuberant child away from the playful water. I return to my solitude. The sun is beating now and my face is the drum. Waves of sunshine wash over me and I am warm.
The lack of sound overwhelms me as I propel myself forward. This underwater universe exudes serenity. I swim through the wall of fish like a slow motion bullet. The fish act like a shooting victim’s organs, sensing the need to inch to the side as I glide past. Although surrounded by four humans I feel myself relating to the fish. I am alone in my thoughts. I find myself swimming along with the school’s current instinctually. Not knowing where they are going, only that I want to go there. It feels good to travel in a school and not have the fish dash in fright, but ignore my presence and therefore acknowledge my belonging. This sense of unity is broken when I follow the school down further and choke on saltwater. I then jerk upwards and begin coughing violently, disturbing the peaceful creatures. The tube through which I was breathing restricts me to swimming on the surface. My own breathing controls my mind’s experience. It reprimands me with a hard salt aftertaste and then once settled with it’s punitive measures, it allows me to return to my former calm. All is breathing and I am at peace. I float with the current, knowing the tide will carry me.
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