I was being forced to stay at my aunt’s house in Utah for a month during the summer of ’11. It was supposed to be a life changing experience; it was, but for all the wrong reasons. It was intended to help me replace my obnoxious attitude for a kinder one. Everything was going great and I was starting to see pleasant changes in myself I thought was impossible. It wasn’t until halfway through the month that things were going to get complicated.
I was speaking to my mother over the phone as I frequently did. I kept asking her to let me go back because I missed them immensely.
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She told me she didn’t buy it and then went on to ask me a very unexpected question. She asked me,” Do you like boys?” I honestly didn’t know what to reply to that. The truth was I was gay, but I hadn’t built up the courage to tell my parents fearing they’d disown me. I told her I did and started crying and to my surprise she began crying and telling me that she loves me no matter what. She asked me to stay the remaining two weeks persuading me that it would help me. I decided to listen and continued my stay in Utah.
I remember spending my days eating Special K, drinking cranberry-raspberry juice, and running on the treadmill. I managed to lose 15 pounds because of it, the reason why I hadn’t enjoyed my stay since I had lost 50 pounds prior to my departure. I would occasional go to downtown Salt Lake City and admire the view of mountains covered in snow; I still couldn’t understand how they had snow in the middle of July. Another thing I enjoyed doing was listening to Lady Gaga’s Born This Way album my mother had bought me. I learned about acceptance, maturity, and courage. I learned to accept who I was, how my uncalled for behavior only enlarged my problems, and finally telling my parents my dreaded secret.
I no longer had to hide who I was, I no longer had to lie to my parents when I would go see a gay friend. I felt free, you know that feeling you get when you are able to lift something that was straining your body of strength? You have to admit that’s a pretty sensational feeling.
It was finally the end of my month long stay in Utah. I admit I wasn’t expecting to come out to my parents, over the phone. Yeah it happened over the phone; how awkward that was. I was on the airplane and started to think again as I usually do. This time however I was thinking positively, something that I was unable to do prior to my trip. I was barely on the airplane and I could already see positive changes. Oh how I was happy! The changes have continued to this very day. I am no longer timid, I have been able to fix my behavior although not entirely, but cut me some slack, I’m only a hormonal teenager. I am grateful to have gone to Utah and figure out things I didn’t expect to figure out. Who wouldn’t want to have unexpected changes made in their life? I sure would!
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