The Solution For Which You’ve Been Waiting

Ladies and gentleman, I have the solution—the solution to the problem you never admitted you had. Namely: majestic hair. I can hear you scoffing, my friends, but I assure you that it’s quite all right to confess it. After all, each one of us has, at some point in life, glanced at a shampoo model or a passersby with that effortless “windblown look” and longed for that magnificence in our own locks. It’s a common longing, try as we might to conceal it. Unfortunately, that supreme styling is just beyond us laymen, isn’t it? It’s terribly impractical to wheel an industrial-strength fan behind us all day, and hairdryers just don’t provide the same magnitude. Fret no more, though, because my solution provides the perfect blend of ease and enormity. What is it, you ask? Why, the Empire State Building!

Please, ladies and gentlemen, contain your astonishment! I assure you that this national landmark is just the thing—in the right circumstances, of course. I and my best friend, whom we shall affectionately call Bonnie, are ESB-hair success stories, and you could be one, too. All you need is an overcast day, a bit of luck, and, of course, a ticket to the Empire State Building. 

I’m certain that you’re worried by that pesky adjective “overcast,” but please, don’t let it deter you. All that means, in our experience, is that the friendly staff will stamp “zero visibility” on your ticket and kindly inquire if you really want to visit today. Remain steadfast, my friends! Simply consider the weather as a detour past the massive crowds that a clearer day would bring. 

Once you’ve wound through all of the (wonderfully empty) entrance lanes and have given an appreciative look-over to the historic photos and info, consider yourself free to hop into the elevator and find your way to the 86^th floor’s viewing deck. This, I’m afraid, is the part that requires a little luck. On some overcast days, the deck will be shut down. However, if you have Bonnie and my luck, the conditions will be safe enough (and the staff kind enough) to let your group explore nonetheless. Just be prepared to have your breath taken away! When they say “zero visibility,” they aren’t kidding. On all sides of the deck, there will be only dove gray clouds—no New York City, no azure blue skies, no interruption of the pure gray monotony. Again, ladies and gentlemen, don’t let it deter you. Your majestic hairdo will be worth all eeriness that you endure. 

Speaking of the majestic hair, this is your moment! When you stand on the deck, surrounded by airy monochrome, it kicks in. After all, there’s rain on the forecast, and nature’s industrial fan should be up and running doubletime—in other words, there should be powerful gusts of wind ready and willing to give you that shampoo model flair. Just look at Bonnie: 

How could you say “no” to an unconventional style like that? And, my friends, the best is yet to come. After a few minutes out on the deck, your hair will be locked in the windblown style that is eternally “casual chic.” Trust me: I lived it!

There it is, ladies and gentlemen: your solution, and it’s just that easy. You can thank me later.

In other news, the Statue of Liberty has no keys to the perfect updo.